My Continous Glucose Monitor (CGM) transmitter has died. It was only meant to last a year or two and we have been together for three and a half years. Medtronic is working with my doctor and insurance to replace it. In the meantime, I’m back to fingersticks all day, like some sort of caveman.
No big deal, right? Wrong. I have become so dependent on my CGM that I truly don’t know how to comfortably live with diabetes without it.
I have diagnosed anxiety that is typically managed pretty well with medication and mindfulness. Until my CGM stopped working. I found myself feeling so panicked throughout the day. Was my blood sugar plummeting? Was it rising? Did I take enough insulin to cover lunch? Did I take too much?
I pieced it all together today. Growing up, my father had Type One Diabetes as well. My father had quite a few (a lot, honestly) of low blood sugars where he needed assistance. He needed my mom to mix sugar into orange juice and force him to drink it. He needed ambulances. He bit through his tongue once in a bad low, there was blood all over him. I found him one time, passed out at our kitchen table, while the sausage he was cooking for breakfast filled the kitchen up with smoke.
I learned early that lows are scary. And lows are embarrassing (cue the memory of the only time I’ve needed medical assistance- passing out in the shower as a 16 year old). And I am terrified of going low, especially in public.
This short break from my CGM is definitely unwanted but, maybe, just maybe, it’s good for me. Maybe a few days of going to the grocery store, going to work, just living without looking at my blood sugar every five minutes, will be good for me.
It makes seeing a number like this pop up, even more wonderful than usual.