Since I was born, my Grandmom frequently told my mom, and later me, that I had beautiful, long, slender fingers- perfect for playing piano (I chose the trombone in middle school haha).
Fast forward quite a few years. For awhile now, my left hand has always more swollen than my right and I usually don’t think much of it. Well that’s not true. I often notice how huge my fingers are, how the veins protrude. I notice my hands all day long- while I’m driving, working, sitting on the couch.
I had my fourth infusion yesterday- this was an important one. If I don’t notice marked improvement, it’s time to move on to another biologic. I found myself checking every part of my body, looking for some sort of progress. Turning my head, bending my knee, etc. I checked my hands and noticed this:
No matter how hard I try, I cannot bend my left ring finger down any more than this. To bend it this much hurts pretty bad. Is it a huge deal? Not really. I can still use my hands, I’m not limited. But it scares me. It scares me because if you’ve ever googled Rheumatoid Arthritis, you come across some frightening looking hands. Some painful looking hands.
I’ve only had Rheumatoid Arthritis for five years, this month and I would like to have many more years of using my hands. They have a lot of writing, knitting, hand holding to do.