Day 12 of the #ChronicallyGrateful challenge! What is the Biggest Fear you’ve conquered despite your chronic condition?
At the time of my Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis, almost 4 years ago, I couldn’t walk down the stairs. I literally would have to scoot on my butt down the stairs every morning like a toddler. I would go to Target and be stuck in the middle of the store, wondering if I would be able to make it to my car.
My left arm wouldn’t even come close to straightening. It was bent and locked. I couldn’t wash my face, because I couldn’t reach it. I couldn’t use a drive thru because my arm wouldn’t work. I couldn’t dress myself.
The fatigue was so intense that I would be sound asleep during a hair cut.
To say I was scared is an understatement. I was terrified. I thought I would never walk more than a few feet, never return to work, never be able to fully care for myself again.
Luckily I had a doctor who told me that it would be awhile but that I would get back on my feet (literally). I still struggled even after things got better physically for me. For months, I had a panic attack every time I went to Target. Looking back, I know it’s from the legitimate fear I had of not being able to walk out of the store.
I still have fears- how long will I be able to work? Will the pain ever go away, even a little bit? Will my kids get this horrible disease? But each day, I face that fear head on. I get up, put my best face on (make up, of course) and go to work. I’m grateful for each day and the little moments during it- making dinner, spending time with my children.