Rheumatoid Arthritis sucks. But lately it’s not the constant pain and swelling or the overwhelming fatigue that’s got me down. It’s that RA is keeping me from doing things for other people. That makes me mad.
love loved to knit. You wont find many of my knitted projects in my house. Why? Because I enjoyed knitting for others. Baby blankets were one of my favorites. I loved picking out bright, non-traditional colors of yarn and working them up into a soft, beautiful blanket. I love hearing from friends and family, years later, about how much their child loved the blanket from day one.
And then there are prayer shawls. I made my first one nine years ago when my Uncle died unexpectedly. I needed to do something so I started knitting. My Aunt wrote me the most wonderful letter a few weeks later telling me that my cousin, who was 8 at the time, had been falling asleep with the shawl every night since his Dad’s passing. Fast forward to less than a year ago when my Aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She texted me that the prayer shawl had been with her, in her bedroom, for all of these years. Now that she was facing another battle, she was using it more than ever. I can’t explain what it meant to know that something I made was cherished year after year.
My second prayer shawl was made for my dear Aunt Melanie. My Aunt Melanie was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer in the Spring of 2013. Again, not knowing what to do, I started to knit. I thought of all of the colors she loved and surrounded herself with and made sure my yarn reflected that. I wrapped up the shawl and put it in the mail to her in Virginia. I was unprepared for how much my Aunt would come to love and depend on that shawl. My Aunt wore it nonstop..she would text me and tell me she had it on at chemo and again to watch football on the weekends. She absolutely loved it. My Aunt Melanie fought a short but courageous battle with cancer and passed away in November, 2013. She passed away wearing my shawl.
I think of knitting daily. I started knitting square blocks a few months ago, in hope that “little” projects somehow wouldn’t cause me as much pain as larger, heavier ones do. Every week or so I’ll pull my knitting basket out (which makes my cat ecstatic) only to find that nothing’s changed…my fingers fall asleep holding the needles, my hands and wrists ache after just a few stitches. And now knitting is 100% out until mid-November at least, since I have a ligament tear in my wrist.
I feel guilty that I’m not knitting. I have two people, who immediately come to mind, that I would love to make prayer shawls for and plenty of babies that I would love to go yarn shopping for. As each
week month goes by, I lose a little hope that I’ll ever knit again.